Friday 12 August 2022 by Chris Ballard

Supermarkets stop selling Tory governments to prevent bin fires


Tory bin fire

Leading UK supermarkets are taking any products off their shelves which are likely to become bin fires – such as disposable barbecues and Conservative governments.

During a heatwave, it’s important to be mindful of what we put in bins. 

“Disposable barbecues represent a significant risk,” said Fire Chief Simon Williams. “However, the biggest danger as far as catastrophic raging bin fires are concerned, is Tory governments.

“If we get called to deal with a massive bin fire, nine times out of ten it’s a bunch of posh twats running the country into the ground while protecting their own interests.

“We’re delighted that supermarkets are now doing their bit to stop Conservative administrations causing chaos and endangering lives.

“The Fire Service has limited resources and we don’t want to be dealing with a cost of living crisis or a ten mile lorry queue just because a group of friends decided to take a Tory government to the park to ‘play around a bit’.

“My own team spent most of yesterday fighting to bring a spate of greed, incompetence and corruption under control. I’ve been doing this job for thirty years and it was probably the biggest bin fire I’ve ever seen. And yes, it turned out to be a Tory government which had been left to develop unchecked.

“The public needs to understand – if you don’t keep an eye on these things, they will cause immeasurable levels of damage.

“So if you do find yourself with a Tory government on your hands, our message is clear – for your own safety, dispose of it safely at the earliest opportunity.

“Please.”

Thick Lizzy – the next Prime Minister!

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