Despite the changes to the workplace imposed by Covid, a study has found that working in the office is still more productive than working up a tree.
“I think that the death of the office has been overstated,” explained Professor Simon ‘Scratch’ Williams, who led the study.
“Compared to working in an office surrounded by supportive colleagues under the watchful yet caring eyes of a line manager, working up a tree just can’t compete.
“The balance required to sit on a branch for a whole day without falling out will be beyond most people. Then you’ve got the logistics of lifting a desk, computer, chair, in/out trays, and Newton’s cradle up into the tree, and then taking them back down again if it rains. You’ve got to deal with WIFI and extension leads, and as for getting the cake trolley to someone up a tree? Forget it.
“I think that this study has proved we’ll still be working in offices for years to come.”
The study took two hundred volunteers, half of which worked in the office as normal, with the other half working up a tree. After a month, they swapped, and worked for another month. In almost every case, each subject was more productive whilst working in the office.
“I’ve got to be honest. I didn’t think I’d ever want to get back to the old way of working,” said insurance claims handler Nick Kendall, “The one positive of the lockdown was not having to commute, get all dressed up and spend five days a week in the office.
“But, honestly? After spending a month working up a tree, I’m genuinely really looking forward to getting back to the office. A squirrel kept stealing my stapler.”
The only significant outliers in the study were a tree surgeon and a peeping tom, both of which were much more productive in their work whilst up a tree.