Rishi Sunak pledges ‘Eat Out to Blackout’ scheme to address energy crisis

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Former Chancellor Rishi Sunak will cunningly reduce demand on gas and electricity by making people eat in restaurants.

Rishi Sunak, a man so in touch with working class people that he doesn’t so much as follow any of them on Twitter, has had a brilliant idea about how to solve the country’s energy crisis.

“It’s simple economics,” he explained to a group of Conservative Party members, the collective noun for which is ‘a clunge.’

“Energy prices are so high because demand is high. If demand dropped relative to supply then prices would soon follow.

“Therefore, if I become Prime Minister, I will implement an ‘Eat out to blackout’ scheme.

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“Basically, everyone will be forced to eat in restaurants rather than cook for themselves at home. This will obviously reduce demand on gas and electricity supplies.

“I don’t expect everyone to visit upmarket eateries – lower income households will be permitted to go to Old Macdonald’s or The King of Burgers or wherever.

“I’m aware that some households will struggle to afford to do even this, but that’s part of this amazing plan – unable to pay their bills, they’ll get energy supplies cut off completely and demand will then really plummet!

“Anyone who refuses to eat out will be deemed a criminal and punished accordingly.

“I’ll need to liaise with Priti to determine suitable punitive measures – let’s face it, it will involve being deported to Rwanda or drowned in the Channel.”