After the dramatic and hilarious news last night that Michael Gove, the minister for levelling up, has been sacked, there is now a real concern that no levelling up is currently being done.
“This is genuinely the most worrying news imaginable,” said Simon Williams, Professor of Levels at Cambridge University.
“Without a minister for levelling up, who is doing all the levelling up? My fear is that there is no one. That means there is no levelling up happening at all. Nothing or no one anywhere in the country is being levelled up.
“What this means is that, and this is almost too awful to actually contemplate, everyone and everything is, right now, on exactly the same level that it was last night.”
However, as troubling as it is that no levelling up is actually happening right now, that is not the nightmare scenario.
“What I fear most of all,” continued the Professor, “is that the longer this goes on, we might actually see levelling down begin to occur. Levelling down! In Great Britain in 2022! It’s just unimaginable.”
He urged whatever Government is left to get a grip of the situation.
“For the love of God, start levelling up again immediately. I simply don’t believe the country can survive much longer without anyone levelling anything up.”
However, despite the concern from Professor Williams, it does seem that the current crisis could mean we don’t see any levelling up for an extended period. Britain will have to rely on its famous ‘blitz spirit’ to cope.