Boris Johnson has revealed a new look.
As the countdown to his Downing Street exit continues, and every casual observer realises he is done, Johnson has looked for inspiration in his desire to deny reality.
Sporting a new quaffed haircut and a bright orange fake tan, Boris told reporters that news of his imminent demise was ‘fake news’, and that the ‘leftist media won’t steal my job’.
Johnson is said to have asked one of his few remaining aides to call a press conference outside Westminster Total Landscaping, where his most loyal spokesperson, Nadine Dorries, will explain their plan for the coming days and weeks.
Dorries said, “There are no resignations, Boris fired them all. Because they were rubbish and stupid.
“Anyone who says different is lying.”