Grateful nation relieved it was saved from chaos under Ed Miliband

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The entire nation let out a sigh of relief this morning after it realised it was actually saved from the chaos of an Ed Miliband government.

Despite a Brexit vote that split the country, a struggling economy, multiple leadership contests, a prime minister embroiled in scandal after scandal, grateful voters are still thankful they avoided the chaos of an Ed Miliband government back in 2015.

Voter Simon Williams told us, “Can you imagine what would have happened? Brexit wouldn’t have happened. We’d still be growing, the NHS would have more funding and our nation wouldn’t be the sick relation of the G20. And who wants that?

“I have much preferred three prime ministers in six years, divisive policies, lying politicians, financial and sexual scandals and government MPs resigning for watching porn in the parliamentary chamber. Much more interesting.

“In that dystopian nightmare scenario where Ed Miliband won in 2015, then Boris Johnson is still nothing more than a backbench caricature who sometimes presents Have I Got News For You. And who wants that?

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“We had a very lucky escape, and we should never stop counting our blessings.”