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NRA members at their leadership event in Houston have warned that the introduction of sensible gun control could lead to permanent flaccid penises.
With the NRA under increasing pressure from the gun-control lobby, the organisation’s leaders have insisted they will do everything with in their power to stave off the very real threat of perpetual impotence.
NRA spokesperson, Chuck Williams, told us, “Sexual inadequacy is the spectre that haunts every single one of us in the NRA, and rest assured we will fight tooth and nail to protect your right to feel like a big virile man with a big shooty stick.
“We know that no amount of dead children will ever be a match for the sort of erection that can only be delivered by an AR-15 as you empty the magazine.
“We will not let our members down. We will stand proud and tumescent, just like their own members when cleaning their many rifles.”
NRA member Jim-Bob Matthews told us, “There is nothing like cradling a semi-automatic assault rifle to get the blood pumping down there, you know?
“People say we should just ditch the guns and take Viagra instead, but really, how is popping a little blue pill ever going to make me feel like John Rambo?
“We must fight the calls for gun control with everything we have, or I will become nothing but a floppy-cocked redneck with poor impulse control.”
