Wednesday 25 May 2022

I take full responsibility, insists man taking zero accountability


Boris on taking responsibility

A man has stood up before the public today to take full responsibility for illegal and immoral behaviour by himself and his team, while insisting he should face zero accountability.

Boris Johnson has reacted the publication of the Sue Gray report by explaining that he takes full responsibility for the wrong-doing in Downing Street during the various lockdowns in the last two years, but has stopped short of accepting any form on consequence.

“Responsibility is easy to take, for here I am, taking it,” the prime minister told MPs.

“Accountability however, that is different. That implies consequences. And while I am happy to stand here before you looking humble and sad, while accepting full responsibility for everything that happened, I am unwilling, unfortunately, to accept any accountability for those same things that happened.

“Separating responsibility and accountability are at the core of what it means to be a conservative – mainly because if we didn’t separate them there wouldn’t be any of us left.

“Standing up and looking sad and saying sorry should be the end of the matter for any misdeed undertaken by me and my government. Accountability is for the people who work for us. That is where the resignations should begin, and end. Unless you are sat opposite me of course, and don’t work in government, then you should also resign as well.”

When asked if would be happy to be held accountable for anything his government does, he added, “Yes, all the good stuff, obviously. I’m happy to be as accountable a billy-ho for those thing.

“And I’ll tell you exactly what that good stuff is just as soon as the folks at CCHQ can think of some things that sound moderately plausible.”

The Boris is a twat collection – see the full range of Boris-mocking goodies here!

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