Thursday 19 May 2022 by EssBee

Egg-covered statue of Margaret Thatcher officially declared a food bank


Broken eggs on the pavement

The government has today announced that the egg-spattered statue of former UK despot Margaret Thatcher, erected in Grantham on Sunday, is to be officially recognised as a food bank and become a ‘key source of nutrition’ for the local community.

Just over a week since Ashfield MP Lee Anderson caused outrage by claiming that people should be able to cook a meal for less than 30p, he today celebrated that even this now sounds ‘rather extravagant’.

“What we have here is an example of the Tories listening to the people, as we always do,” said the whimpering, out of touch shitebag.

“The people said that 30p wasn’t right, so in a matter of days, we have solved that. A statue of a Goddess that will provide food for a whole community in just a couple of licks. It is genius. It has a ring of divinity to it. Thatcher is basically Jesus now.”

However, when we suggested that the communal slurping of stale egg from the effigy of a brutal tyrant wasn’t quite what 21st Century families needed, Mr Anderson said that he agreed – but that the local community had to shoulder most of the blame.

“We have provided everything that this community needs to share its resources. I do have to say that I am a little disappointed that there has been such a lack of imagination in the types of donation that this particular food bank has received.

“Eggs are a great start, but a little bit of bacon, or even some Foie Gras shouldn’t be too much to ask.

“Once again, we seem to be able to provide the tools, only to be let down by the public not trying hard enough. It’s like they just don’t want to help themselves.”

It is thought that if the scheme is a success, further statues will be peppered around the country, beginning with a 12-foot bronze of Hitler goose-stepping through Stamford Hill.

The Cabinet of Arseholes – the definitive government-bashing Mug!

Previous post:

Next post: