Boris Johnson, Prime Minister and serial law-breaker, has finally admitted exactly why the so-called ‘oven-ready’ Brexit deal he agreed to was so bad.
“I was working on the Brexit deal at home, but I’d spend an awful lot of time making another cup of coffee, and then you know, getting up, walking very slowly to the fridge, hacking off a small piece of cheese, then walking very slowly back to my laptop and then forgetting what it was I’m doing,” he explained.
“That’s why we ended up with a border in the Irish sea, chaos at Dover, and food shortages in the supermarkets – me eating loads of cheese!”
He went on to say that the cheese was very good.
“Lincolnshire Poacher, a lovely cheddary hard cheese. You see, in my defence, it was excellent, excellent cheese. So, I hope that everyone can now understand why I’ve made such a tremendous bollock of Brexit.”
He then blamed cheese for other mistakes made as Prime Minister.
“Cocking up Afghanistan, letting all those people in care homes die, losing 500 seats in the local elections – they’re all because I was too busy eating cheese to do any work.
“You see, this is why people shouldn’t work at home. You just get distracted by cheese,” he continued.
“Unless of course, you’re a grown-up with a sense of responsibility and not some half-witted man-child in an ill-fitting suit.”
The full ‘Boris is a twat’ collection can be found here!