Monday 16 May 2022

Just get better-paid jobs, explains Tory minister to struggling families who had never considered such a radical move


Tory minister

People struggling with the cost of living crisis should just move to a job that pays better wages, according to safeguarding minister and wise economic sage Rachel Maclean.

Families struggling with higher bills have admitted that trying to get a job that pays more money is something that had never occurred to them.

Father of three Simon Williams told us, “I sit here every month wondering how I am going to pay all the bills, and yet never once had I considered the possibility of jacking in my shitty low-paid job and getting a much better paid one that I actually like.

“Now that she’s actually said it, it seems obvious, right? I mean, of course my family’s financial concerns would be somewhat alleviated if I had a job that paid more than my current job. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this earlier.

“To be honest, I don’t find warehouse work to be particularly fulfilling from an intellectual perspective either, so it’s good to know I can just go and get something better paid that I might actually enjoy. It does seem silly to be in a job I hate, just to accrue bills I can’t afford, while dreaming of a meagre existence I’ll never achieve.

“I would say I don’t have any required skills, experience, or abilities, but Rachel Maclean managed to get herself an £80k a year gig as a government minister without any discernible skills, so I guess the world is my oyster.

“I quite fancy working in a hedge fund, those guys seem to have fun and earn a packet. I can start tomorrow, right?”

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