Tories to sell off Church of England after Archbishop of Canterbury criticises plan to deport asylum seekers

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The Conservative Party are gearing up to privatise the Church of England following vocal opposition from Justin Welby to their plan to ship asylum seekers to Rwanda for processing.

The Archbishop of Canterbury revealed his true loony left leanings when he said Priti Patel’s plan to deport asylum seekers to Rwanda ‘did not stand the judgment of God’, prompting a swift reaction from a typically level-headed and sober Nadine Dorries.

“Pathetic!” she screeched, her diminutive gin-soaked brain struggling to comprehend that a white, male, middle class Englishman didn’t fully support the actions of the Tory party.

“Jesus was obviously never a refugee because he was white, but if he had been then he would have fully accepted this genius plan of Boris’s to send him to Rwanda. 

“God knows – haha geddit?! – that here in England we are full up and have no room for anyone else, especially with those fifty Ukrainians we took in last month.”

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She concluded, “I’ve long said that the Church of England has some nasty leftists running it these days and it’s only right that we sell it off and let someone who knows what they’re doing run it. 

“Like Dido Harding.”

Jacob Rees-Mogg supports the move, telling press “As a Catholic I know that the Church of England talk complete nonsense, and is best avoided.

“And the Mother Mary, who I spoke to yesterday, agrees.”