Monday 18 April 2022 by Jack Marshall

Man insists that vacuum cleaner is heavy machinery after taking spoonful of cough medicine


man with vacuum

A Basingstoke man who took a spoonful of cough medicine this morning continues to insist that the vacuum cleaner is ‘heavy machinery’ after his wife insisted today would be a good day to give the house a good spring clean.

Simon Williams has been hoping to enjoy a day of relaxation, but said he’d been feeling a ‘bit chesty’ before taking the medicine and reading the associated instructions.

“The label on the bottle made clear that I shouldn’t drink alcohol, drive or operate heavy machinery. I don’t want to be a danger to myself or anyone, so I don’t know what option I have other than to head straight to the sofa and rest up until the side effects have completely worn off.

“It was sheer coincidence that I happened to notice this warning just the missus handed me the vacuum and told me to start at the top of the house and work down.

“Now, admittedly you wouldn’t normally classify a vacuum cleaner as heavy machinery. However, just like a JCB, this vacuum is big, ugly and and requires significant training to use it.”

Despite Williams’ assertions, not everyone in the house has been persuaded that pushing a vacuum around while under the influence of cough syrup is ‘dangerous’.

“Basically, he’s talking bollocks,” said wife, Sharon.

“Look, I would know if he was ill, he would have been milking it for ages – and he didn’t even have a cough.

“It’s not the first time he’s done something like this either. Last Chrismas, he said he couldn’t help with the washing up after dinner because he’d accidentally overdosed on homeopathic remedies.

“Although, to be fair to Simon, the medicine he took this morning did have some observable side-effects.

“It gave him the worst case of verbal diarrhoea he’s ever had.”

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