Friday 28 January 2022 by Neil Tollfree

The Bangles stunned to find out that Egyptians just walk normally


The Bangles walk like and egyptian

Eighties pop legends The Bangles have been left reeling after discovering that Egyptians walk normally, just like everyone else does.

“I’m kind of in shock, this… well, it changes everything,” said Banlges lead singer Susannah Hoffs.

“I mean, if Egyptians just walk normally. Like you and I, then, good god, our song is completely redundant. I mean, ‘Walk like an Egyptian,’ we may as well be singing ‘Just walk about normally,’ which doesn’t really make for much of a hit pop single.

“I wish I’d done my research. I feel like such a fool.”

The stunning revelation about Egyptians came to light after Simon Williams, Professor of Walking at Oxford University, released a paper on the matter.

“Well, as part of the department’s work, we regularly travel the world and look at how different peoples and cultures walk.

“Recently, a team of us went out Egypt and discovered that people walk normally. No different to anyone else. Most of our studies end that way, if I’m honest.

“So, we released our paper, which basically just says ‘Egyptians walk normally’ – not actually sure why we had to do a paper. Could have been a tweet, really.

“Then we found we’d caused a big kerfuffle with The Bangles. Sorry about that, but facts are facts and if people walk normally, then there’s not much we can do about that.

Hoffs now has plans to get together with her bandmates to see if there is any way their most famous song can be salvaged.

“Does anyone know if Belgians walk any differently to normal people?” she was heard to ask.

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