Sue Gray’s redacted report to be printed on the back of a postage stamp

Sue Gray’s much-anticipated report is set to be re-printed after amendments and redactions mean it will now fit on the back of a postage stamp.

With news emerging this morning that the Met Police want ‘minimal reference’ in the report to illegal events which they are investigating, the report has now been hastily amended and redacted ready to be submitted on the back of a second class stamp.

Commenting on the report, political insider Simon Williams revealed, “It’s tiny, I’ve seen it.

“Well I say I’ve seen it, I couldn’t actually read it as I didn’t have my microscope on me to be able to read any of the five or six words she was actually allowed to print, on the back of that postage stamp.

“Obviously now the police are involved and insisting that the report is not allowed to reference the very thing that the whole report is supposed to be about, the size of the report has been reduced somewhat.

“Given that there are approximately fifteen parties to report on, all of which were probably illegal, and therefore now part of the police investigation, the contents of the report that we will get to see is likely to be so small it will be invisible to the naked eye.”

Asked if he thinks the police investigation is likely to provide us with the answers we need, instead of relying on Sue Gray’s report, we were told “Are we talking about the same police who provided security for these illegal parties?”

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