Thursday 11 November 2021

I never thought I was corrupt until Boris Johnson insisted I wasn’t, says UK resident


Man worried he might be corrupt

A Basingstoke man as this morning been left flat-footed by Boris Johnson’s assertion that the UK is not a corrupt country, insisting it has made him question his own level of corruption.

Johnson spoke at the COP26 Climate Summit to talk about how the UK definitely isn’t corrupt, in a speech that had very strong ‘I don’t beat my wife’ vibes.

However, the speech struck a chord with Simon Williams, who told us, “This morning has proven really difficult, because Boris Johnson tells lies, that’s what he does and it’s what he’s good at.

“But if him giving a speech and insisting the UK isn’t corrupt is a lie, then it means it is corrupt, and I am part of that country. So am I corrupt?

“I’ve always thought of myself as a good, law-abiding citizen, but if Boris Johnson is out there saying people like me aren’t corrupt, then I have to face the reality that I very well could be.

“I mean, I don’t have a criminal record, but that doesn’t mean anything going by the people who work in Westminster. I’ve never been investigated, or in trouble with the police, but that’s the same for pretty much every MP.

“I can’t think of anything I’ve ever done that could lead me to be labelled as corrupt, but there must be something, right?

“Oh God, that’s it – this is about that time I had a coffee in the break room at work and forgot to put a pound in the honesty box because I didn’t have any change. I knew it, I am corrupt!

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