Comedy Prime Minister Boris Johnson is set to weigh in later today on an entirely fictional poppy controversy.
“Poppy respect Winston Churchill woke snowflake,” is the sort of thing that the Prime Minister is expected to say, possibly throwing in a superfluous Latin phrase to impress the easily-impressed.
Number 10 has denied accusations that the PM’s intervention in a poppy controversy that is completely made-up is just a distraction from the accusations of corruption that his government is unable to shake because it is corrupt.
“I think it is proper that the Prime Minister should comment on any poppy-based controversy, whether made-up or not,” explained an aide.
“And once we’ve made up the controversy, I think that everyone will appreciate that the Prime Minister’s intervention was both timely, and important.”
Simon Williams, a stupid person, was grateful that the Prime Minister was set to intervene.
“I am, frankly, disgusted by whatever this poppy controversy is and, to be honest, it’s at times like these that we need a strong leader like Boris who will stand up against the woke snowflakes who seem to run everything nowadays and say ‘No! This is Britain, and in Britain we believe in poppies and Christmas and we don’t care if it offends the so-called EU.’
“Brexit means Brexit!”
The fictional poppy controversy has yet to be made up yet, but will most likely involve the BBC and/or Muslims.