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The BBC has come in for heavy criticism for its decision to screen a repeat of Dad’s Army in which none of the principal characters can be seen wearing a poppy.
“I was so disgusted I immediately unplugged my television and threw it through the window,” said Simon Williams, who had temporarily changed his name to Poppy Poppy by deed poll and was wearing a poppy gimp suit as a sign of his immense and all-encompassing respect.
“Dad’s Army was scheduled to appear on BBC2 at 8pm and so I gathered the family in the front room to appreciate the gentle, yet respectful capers of Captain Mainwaring and his men as it’s the sort of thing you won’t get on the BBC these days.”
However, within minutes Mr Poppy was left disgusted by what he saw.
“None of them were wearing a poppy! Not one! On Remembrance Day Eve, the second most remembrancing day of them all.
“That is typical of the communists and homosexuals at the BBC and their continued efforts to undermine the achievements of this great country such as World War II and the 1981 Eurovision Competition.”
Mr Poppy was left unmoved by the defence that, originally, the episode was not screened on Remembrance Day and therefore poppies would not have been a consideration.
“Not good enough! If George Lucas can digitally insert a CGI Jabba the Hutt into Star Wars, then the BBC could digitally insert a poppy onto Captain Mainwaring and Corporal Jones and the rest of the platoon. I pay a licence fee! It’s my right!”
Like any patriotic Brit, Mr Poppy has vowed never to watch the BBC again.
“No, or ITV either, just to be sure.”
