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The entire nation has enjoyed an extra hour in bed this morning, except for anyone with a child under five.
Whilst most people were browsing the papers or having an extra bout of sleepy morning sex, Britain’s under-sixes were continuing their long-standing campaign to flat-out ignore one of the few pleasures life affords grown-ups.
Toddler spokesman Nathan, 3, commenced proceedings by pooing himself and them wailing about it at 5am, successfully ruining his father’s plans for a lie-in and maybe some nookie.
This was the coordinated signal for small children throughout the county to begin a sustained campaign of crying, defecation, and over-excited running around in order to protest against the clock change.
“I was just thinking about having a shot at my wife’s knockers when the little shi- darling sets up a right wailing,” Nathan’s father told us.
“Bang on the dot at 5am. How the hell did he know?
“On the plus side, at least the clock in the car will be right for the next six months.”
Daylight savings time was introduced a century ago after extensive lobbying by cows, who are notoriously early risers and don’t like getting up in the dark.
A long-held conspiracy theory maintains that the introduction of daylight savings and Parliament getting free butter for a year was no coincidence.
