Sunday 31 October 2021

Man begins three-day period of saying the time and then what time it ‘really’ is


Man pointing at watch

After the clocks went back overnight, Simon Williams has begun his biannual three-day routine in which he will tell you the ‘real’ time whenever the time of day is discussed.

“I was up at 7:30 this morning, but that’s really 8:30, so I had a bit of a lie-in actually,” explained Simon, 42, and father of two.

“We’re having a pretty relaxed Sunday, but we are going to the in-laws for lunch today at 1 pm, which is is really 2 pm, but I’ll probably be hungry by then, so me and the kids will probably have to have a snack before.

“Though actually, the kids didn’t have their breakfast until 9 am, which was really 10 am, so they might be ok to go until 1 pm, which is really 2 pm.”

“Yes, it’s exhausting,” explained Sharon, Simon’s wife of fifteen years.

“This will continue until Tuesday, at which point he will think he’s done enough to help the rest of us and he will go back to referring to the time with a signal numeric value.

“This is the 30th time I’ve gone through this as his wife, and each time he does it, he edges that little bit closer to his new home under the patio.

“Yes, Simon, we get it, the clocks changed, and your brain works so incredibly quickly that you are able to add an hour to the actual time in order to ensure us mere mortals don’t lose our place in the space-time continuum.

“Yes Simon, you are just like Stephen Hawking.

“Well, until it comes time to change the clock on the oven, then I’ll have to get our eight-year-old to help you.”

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