People claiming that Lazenby was the best Bond should be sectioned, says Royal College of Psychiatrists

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As social media continues to debate who was the best incarnation of Ian Fleming’s iconic spy, the country’s foremost experts in mental health have explained that believing that an Australian y-fronts salesman was the best 007, was a sign of very dangerous pathologies.

Dr Simone Williams, the RCP’s spokesperson, explained that debating the best Bond was generally a fun but harmless look into people’s escapist fantasies. Except when it came to Lazenby.

“It’s said that the first Bond you watch is the one that will define the character for you. But we found that it’s more a reflection of what aspect of the character people find more important.

“Those who want to watch a callous misogynist beat up some wrong ‘uns will favour Sean Connery. Those who like the high camp of secret bases full of absurd henchmen being destroyed by someone who looks like a lost sex tourist will love Roger Moore.

“A lot of my female friends think Dalton’s short run was the best bean-flicking material ever produced by Albert Broccoli. And of course, there is Daniel Craig even though he’s not really James Bond but more what would happen if Jason Bourne liked his job.

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“Some will even go so far as to claim they liked Pierce Brosnan in a desperate effort to stop you going home and keep paying some attention to them. Which is pathetic, but quite normal behaviour.

“But only seriously demented people would ever say a lanky Australian, who reminds everyone of the kind of vicar who carries a guitar, is the finest embodiment of her majesty’s secret agent.

“Run from those nutters as fast as you can.”