The decade-long Scottish dominance of decent standard British tennis players has finally come to an end after an English player got to the final of a competition that actually means something.
18-year-old A-level student, Emma Raducanu, who had never, ever played tennis in her life before, rocked up to the US Open where someone handed her what they explained was a tennis racket and told her to ‘hit the balls back.’ So, she did. All the way to the US Open final.
Scottish tennis fan, McSimon McWilliams, said, “This is a sad day for British tennis as Andy and Jamie Murray are the only decent British players to get to any level really.
“Yeah, yeah, there was the odd semi-final appearance in the last 40 years and, of course, that Canadian got to a final for Britain once, but not of the sort of quality we’re seeing here where they don’t lose a set all the way through! That’s just utterly bonkers!
“Frankly, to even see an English player actually hitting balls back is soul-destroying. Gone are the days where the likes of Andrew Castle, Mark Petchey and that Chris bloke who once threw away a matchpoint to Ivanisevic watch the ball fly past them again and again and again. And again.
“I wish Emma the very best of luck in the final and hope that we see the best outcome for everyone: her moving to Scotland and declaring for the Saltire!”
Scottish tennis is now expected to have a referendum on independence from British tennis.