Wednesday 8 September 2021 by Dan Sweryt

Amazon’s UK tax finally found behind neighbour’s bins

Amazon tax bill

Amazon has paid more UK tax this year than cumulatively over their entire existence after all their previous amounts were found behind the bins next door to HMRC.

HMRC Senior Advisor, Simon Williams, who admits he’s not a tax expert, said, “We’ve all been giving Amazon a hard time over not paying their tax and, all along, it seems the tax they owed had indeed been sent to us, but it had been left behind next door’s bins after the driver lobbed them over the fence.

“He apparently knocked, but no one answered in his requisite 0.000004 microseconds and he was dying to get back to his van so he could have a whazz in a Coke bottle.

“We now have £492m that we, frankly, were not expecting at all! This is much more than any big company has actually paid in tax… ever! In fact, my colleague is just checking if it’s more than all the big, rich companies have paid in tax cumulatively over the course of history.

“To celebrate, I’ve ordered us all a Double Irish with a Dutch sandwich after it was recommended to me at the bottom of the Amazon page.”

Apple CFO, Christopher James, took twenty minutes to climb over a huge pile of cash in the Cayman Islands and said, “Oh, for fuck’s sake…”

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