Tuesday 27 July 2021 by Frances Ward

“Oh sure, the girl along for the ride should get the Olympic medal,” complains horse


Dressage horse

Olympic dressage horse, Simon Williams is standing with his metaphorical arms crossed as he stands and watches the human who was riding him take all the glory.

Williams explained, “All I’m saying is that this Olympics bullshit is meant to be a showcase for elite athletes to showcase their particular talents.

“For example, Tom Daley and the other one. Those other swimming ones. The running ones. To name but a few.

“So, how does that work with a posh lass, who rocks up in her riding gear, jumps on yours truly and takes credit for my nifty footwork and cantering ability?

“Exactly. It doesn’t. What elite shit has she achieved other than being able to not fall off me – erm, there’s a saddle, and I’m literally walking. Oh, maybe it was the ‘instructions’ she barked to suggest that my gold-medal quality side moonwalk was all her fucking idea?

“Jeez. Actually, I’m being unfair. She did pat me on the back and promised me an extra granny smith for tea.

“God, she’s going to be unbearable from now on. Horse and Hound are just gonna lap this shit up.

“Medal ceremony. Here we go. I can’t look at her.

“At least I get to do a massive dump in front of everyone during the national anthems.

“Bombs away you free-loader.

“I must remember to save up one of my proper race-horse power wees for her interview with the BBC.”

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