Monday 12 July 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Pizza and pasta sales up 700% in Wales and Scotland


Scotland fans eating pizza as England lose on penalties

Italy’s victory over England in the final of Euro 2020 arrives alongside an entirely coincidental surge in Italian food sales in Wales and Scotland.

With England coming so close to victory in the competition but ultimately going home without the trophy, the other home nations have been typically supportive in defeat.

“HAHAHAHAHA,” confirmed Simon Williams, a 38-year-old Glaswegian.

“Don’t mind me, I always get in 38 frozen pizzas of a Sunday. Nothing to do with Italy doing over the English.

“I’m kidding. It’s EVERYTHING to do with that.

“You lot laugh at us when we crash out early, so we laugh at you when you crash out later on. Circle of life and all that. Can I offer you some lasagne? Don’t be shy, there’s absolutely loads.”

Welshman, Jay Cooper, added, “I’ve always loved Italian food, me.

“From pizza, to lasagne, to… ah… you know… all the others… NEOPOLITAN ICE CREAM! That’s one, isn’t it? I’m pretty sure it is.

“I hope it is anyway, we’ve got about a dozen tubs in the freezer to celebrate England losing.”

England supporter, Hayley Rice, said, “Nice of you to make up a woman football fan for your football story. I bet you think you’re being really progressive, don’t you?

“Anyway… this is all a bit sad. We should all be supporting each other as one Britain.

“And by that, I mean Wales and Scotland should be nice to England while we continue to laugh at them whenever they have a brave go at doing football.”

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