England’s football team are an embarrassment, according to an absolute car crash of a human.
Simon Williams, 38, has booed the knee, booed other teams’ national anthems, cheered the tears of a little German girl, got his arse out in Leicester square, stormed the barricade at Wembley stadium and later commented on Bukayo Saka’s Instagram in order to call him a monkey.
“Our team is an embarrassment to England,” claimed Simon, with seemingly no self-awareness whatsoever.
“I mean yeah, they’ve done a lot of charity work, and yeah, they pledged to donate their win bonus to the NHS, and yeah, they stood up to racism, and yeah, they only conceded two goals in the whole tournament, and yeah, they got England to their first major international final in 55 years, but they lost on what is essentially a crapshoot. So they’re rubbish and I hate them.
“They’re an embarrassment and they should be ashamed of themselves, and I say that as a proud England supporter who has intermittently booed his own players throughout the tournament.
“Eh? I’M an embarrassment? You wanna watch your mouth sunshine. I’m a proud patriot I am. Pride of England, me. Now, keep an eye out while I lob a brick through the Pizza Hut window.”
Simon’s wife commented, “Yeah, keep him busy. It will give me a chance to pack a bag and leave the house without so much as a goodbye note.
“Simon’s an embarrassment as an England fan, an English citizen, and as a love.
“If he asks where I’ve gone, tell him to think of me like football, because I’m not coming home.”