Don’t abuse England players online, insists woman who said it was fine to boo England players in person

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Home Secretary Priti Patel has today condemned those people who have been abusing England players online, just a few short days after insisting it was fine to boo England players in person.

Patel, whose picture is set to replace the dictionary definition of ‘hypocrite’ in the next issue of the Oxford English Dictionary, said that people should not be abusing footballers online, and that she prefers her abuse to be ‘up close and personal’.

She told reporters, “If you really want to get under someone’s skin, you’ve got to be in earshot, it’s much more satisfying when you can see their faces as you scream abuse in their general direction.  It’s why I attend so many police raids on suspected illegal immigrants, it’s just so much more fun in person, rather than reading the post-action report on my phone.

“It’s the same with the England fans abusing the players online, I do not condone it, and would strongly suggest they stop it immediately and instead focus on delivering more abuse in person, close enough that your intended target will definitely hear it.

“Trust me, the first time you see someone brought to tears by your bullying actions, you will never again be satisfied with a bit of online trolling.

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“They can thank me later.”