Tory Party Crime Syndicate could ‘go legit’ within five years

The powerful Tory Party Crime Syndicate that has dominated organised crime in much of the United Kingdom for the last decade is understood to be looking to make itself completely legitimate within the next five years.

They currently run extortion and protection rackets in most of the country’s towns and cities and have huge amounts of power within business and politics through their use of bribery, intimidation and corruption.

However, it appears that some of the top capos within the Tory Party Crime Syndicate believe that it won’t be possible to sustain the organisation if it continues to be based entirely on criminal activity.

“As we understand it, the pressure is coming from Mikey ‘Face’ Gove, whose one of the organisation’s leading consiglieres,” explained Detective Simon Williams, a renegade cop who doesn’t play by the rules but, dammit, he gets results.

“He knows that organisations like this, they don’t last, and so he’s pushing to get the entire Tory party operating legally and legitimately.”

However, the problem the Tory Party Crime Syndicate has is with their currently leader, Boris ‘Fats’ Johnson.

“Yeah, that guy? He’s old school Tory. He’s been into extortion, violence, and corruption all his life. He doesn’t know any different and he knows that by going legitimate, the party will take a financial hit which is, for him, the worst thing.

“But, you know, from what we’re hearing, it seems like Gove is swinging opinion, and we could see the party attempt to start operating within normal, legal parameters for the first time in nearly two hundred years.”

However, with a litany of crimes from ‘Eat out to Help Out’ to the unlawful prorogation of Parliament, the Tory Party Crime Syndicate could face legal prosecution long before it gets a chance to make itself legitimate.