Labour supporters shocked and disappointed by Labour by-election win

author avatar by 3 years ago

Labour-supporting activists have been left asking what went wrong this morning after the party they support scored a win in yesterday’s Batley and Spen by-election.

The election has been marked by predictions that Kier Starmer had left the party unelectable and his inevitable defeat would usher in an opportunity for someone properly left-wing who wants to nationalise cheese and eliminate the Kulak class to take the leadership because that’s what the British people actually really want.

Supporters insisted that the forthcoming loss for Labour would lead to a leadership challenge and a new leader who would take the party in a proper direction that agrees with them, and they are now ‘completely delighted at the win, yeah’ that this has not happened.

“I said before the vote that we really needed to win this by-election was someone who really, really hates Zionism but is simultaneously utterly cool with Jews and has lots of Jewish friends,” said Twitter activist Simon Williams, “because that’s absolutely top of the list of issues that matter to people in Heckmondwike.

“And although I may have bitten clean through my pen when I heard we’d won I am…. obviously… delighted… to …say…I…was…wro…”

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