Monday 28 June 2021 by Gary Stanton

Episode of Location Location Location marred by impromptu wildlife massacre


Phil Spencer hunting rifle

A couple’s house-hunting adventure has been tarnished by property expert Phil Spencer’s itchy trigger finger.

Filming at the rural property with some “serious acreage” had to be stopped when Spencer fired off a volley of shots at a deer that had carelessly wandered into the lush woodland garden.

Newly-weds Simon & Simone Williams were left distraught by the spontaneous bloodlust, especially as father-of-three Spencer was busy closing the deal with the estate agent when the incident occurred.

Aggrieved property ladder wannabe, Simon Williams, said, “Phil was putting in an offer twenty grand lower than the asking price when he became distracted by an innocent sentient being with the divine grace of Nijinsky in his prime.

“All of a sudden he took a high-powered rifle out of a sports bag and disappeared behind some conifers.

“That’s when he heard the shots, which were followed by a thud, and moments later by the sound of someone ejaculating.

“I don’t understand it at all. Has he done this as a way of overcompensating for his rapidly retreating hairline?

“Prior to this incident, the only minor quibble I’d had with Mr Spencer was his rather bizarre pronunciation of the word ‘vendor’.

Members of the TV crew later confirmed that host Spencer went on to bag three gazelles and an antelope.

A grinning Spencer was later pictured with his quarry, though this sequence was axed from the broadcast.

Wife Simone added, “I still think going in twenty grand lower is a bit of a fucking cheek.”

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