Scientists have concluded that the Deliveroo advert created for the Euros is the worst thing ever.
The Department for Terrible Things at Oxford University began to suspect that the ad was the worst thing ever after seeing it and having a normal human reaction to it.
“Well, certainly, as soon as I saw it, I thought it was the worst thing ever, I mean, who didn’t? They rhymed ‘partisan’ and ‘parmesan’ like that was a normal thing. They had Jack Grealish pretend a naan bread was a football. It’s obviously and demonstrably awful,” said Professor Simon Williams.
“But, naturally, it was important to do some proper science to ascertain whether it is the worst thing ever or whether the worst thing ever is still having a spider crawl into your ear while you sleep and lay loads of eggs that then hatch and loads of baby spiders crawl out of your ears, nose and mouth.
“So, we wrote a bunch of equations on blackboards, we frantically typed code into computers and we heated some brightly coloured liquids in test tubes over Bunsen burners.
“After several days of that sort of top-level science, we concluded that, yes, the Deliveroo advert is worse than having a spider lay eggs in your ear.
“It is also worse than getting a paper cut on the end of your penis, wiping your eyes after chopping up some chillies and even worse than Mountain Dew.”
Professor Williams speculated that it was probably worse than having sex with Matt Hancock.
“One would assume so, but there’s only so far I’m prepared to go for science.”