Shaggy to release ‘It wasn’t me and let’s move on to talking about the success of the UK vaccination programme’

author avatar by 3 years ago

Shaggy is to release an updated version of his hit ‘It wasn’t me’, in which he advises a man caught cheating on his wife to pivot to talking about the UK vaccination programme.

The song is about when an unnamed man – whose wife caught him creeping with another woman when pictures are printed on the front page of The Sun – seeks Shaggy’s advice on how to wriggle out of the tricky situation, and is told that answering every question with a reference to the ongoing rollout of vaccines is the way to go.

The friend, who was filmed banging in the corridor at Portcullis House, initially intends to apologise and do the decent thing but is persuaded to go on the Today Programme to talk about the hugely successful monument to this country’s world-beating healthcare system and wonderful nurses.

To be a true player you have to know how to play
If she lobbys your ministry, convince her stay a day
Never admit to a word when she say
And if she claim, ah, you tell her, “Baby, this government has successfully vaccinated over forty million people at a world-beating rate”
But she caught me in the corridor
(Forty million people)
Saw me bangin’ on the Sun
(The world’s most successful vaccine procurement and delivery programme)
I even had her by my office door
(Thanks to this effort the UK was the first country to officially emerge from pandemic status)
She even caught me on CCTV
(Thanks to the foresight and diligence of ministers and medical professionals)
She saw the marks on my shoulder
(I’d like to pay tribute to our heroic NHS Staff and key workers)
Read the words that I told her
(We’re implementing a new round of clapping for the NHS at 8pm tonight)
Heard the scream get louder
(Did I mention the vaccines?)
The song ends with Shaggy’s anonymous friend getting away with it and keeping his cabinet position and ministerial car.
Based on an original joke by @dmitryopines