On this day in History: King John signs Magna Carta, freeing all from the burden of wearing a mask in Greggs

author avatar by 3 years ago

On this day in 1215, King John was forced by the Barons to forever enshrine into English law the provision that you should not have to wear a mask in Greggs.

John was forced to sign the document after the Barons war, which was caused when the King’s lackeys – Lords Morrison and Sainsbury, and the Earl of Tesco – asked visiting knights to wear a slip of muslin over their mouths when entering their castles in order to prevent the spread of the Black Death through the exhalation of noxious miasms.

The ensuing war led to the King being forced onto the defensive, despite many opposing Barons being killed after they claimed halberds and swords were a hoax and refused to wear helmets.

Article 17 of Magna Carta reads ‘No freeman fhoude perforce emburden his visage with anne covering in Greggf, when unto the eftent of queuing to purchafe ye steake bayke’.

And then Article 18 goes on to say ‘Ande I be prettye sertain that ye BBC if runne by Marxiftf hafhtag defundyebbc’.

NewsThump Best sellers

Some historians claim that King John himself insisted on the provision in order to prevent Robin Hood and his Merry Men from buying a Latte and Chocolate Twist from the Nottingham branch of Costa without being recognised.

It is thanks to the sacrifice of these brave souls that any modern-day knight may now buy a phony exemption badge off Amazon and lie to shop assistants to strike their own heroic blow for liberty, just like in the tales of chivalry of olden days.