Monday 14 June 2021

Footballers kneeling is just ‘gesture politics’ says Priti Patel, unaware her boss spent last summer clapping on his doorstep


Boris clapping not a political gesture

After Home Secretary Priti Patel referred to England players kneeling before games as ‘gesture politics’, experts have predicted she’s going to feel embarrassed when she sees what Boris Johnson spent every Thursday evening doing last summer.

Priti Patel took the opportunity to completely ignore everything repeatedly said by the England players and England manager about their decision to kneel, by insisting they were engaging in gesture politics and insisted that people should feel free to boo them doing so.

However, Patel seemed confused when it was put to her that clapping for the NHS for a full minute every Thursday evening last summer was as much ‘gesture politics’ as taking the knee for five seconds before a football match, perhaps even more so.

She explained, “No, I don’t think you’ve understood what gesture politics actually means.  When we clapped last year it was in support of NHS staff instead of giving them a decent pay rise for risking their lives day in day out.  Not giving them a decent pay rise was actual politics.

“Sure, the clapping thing could look like ‘gesture politics’ to uninitiated, but that was for something I agreed with personally, so it’s okay.  It’s only when the gestures are for something I don’t like that it becomes a bad thing.”

She went on, “Lots of Tory supporters don’t like the Black Lives Matter movement, so it’s politically convenient for me to ignore what the players have said about kneeling to pretend they’re actually all Marxists and that kneeling is therefore deserving of a really loud boo.

“Honestly, I’m a bit surprised you lot haven’t really understood how this all works yet. Our behaviour and position on any given issue will change with the wind depending on what will be the most advantageous position on that particular day.

“Call us hypocrites if you want, we couldn’t give a shit. We’re literally behaving unlawfully without any consequence whatsoever, so a little name-calling is water off a ducks’ back.

“As long as the morons keep supporting us, we’ll keep on saying things that delight morons.”

The cabinet of Arseholes – see who made the cut!

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