Monday 24 May 2021 by Dan Sweryt

“You’d do drugs too if you had to sit through 26 Eurovision songs” says this year’s winner


Eurovision winners

The lead singer of the Italian band who won the Eurovision Song Contest has said that he’s surprised everyone wasn’t taking drugs in order to get them through Saturday night’s long, long, long night of cheesy pop.

Damiano David, frontman of Måneskin, denied taking cocaine on-screen as the results were announced, adding, “I was too fucked off my face to be able to do another line anyway, as I couldn’t get through listening to all this shit otherwise!

Simon Williams, singer of Britain’s entry – Up Yours, European Bureaucratic Overlords! – when they last won a point in 48AD, said, “To be honest, I sympathise entirely.

“Sitting through that much cheese is a horrific experience for anybody. I couldn’t do it. To find out every single other entrant was perfectly nice, very grateful and humble for their chance to be there, only made it even worse! Where’s the rock and roll in being nice to people and not taking drugs!?

“Doing drugs is the only way to get through a night of such… niceness and banality. When I did it, I had to take LSD just to dim down the bright colours.”

The singer has offered to take a drug test and is expected to pass with flying colours.

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