Introverts dusting off old excuses as indoor pints set to resume

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Introverts across the country are dusting off their old excuses for not going out, as the government looks set to announce pubs will be open again for indoor groups from the 17th May.

As the easing of restrictions on social gatherings continues, the sort of people who prefer to stay at home are falling back to their tried and tested methods of avoiding people.

“It’s been over a year since I had to make an excuse for not going to the pub to see people, it’s been bliss,” explained introvert Simon Williams.

“Sure, friends are good, but are they as good as staying at home on the sofa with a good book? I’m not sure.

“The pandemic has been horrific for society as a whole, obviously, but I’d be lying if I said it hadn’t been a bit of a relief not to have to make ever more elaborate excuses all the time.

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“Some excuses can’t be used yet, things like ‘being stuck at work’, or ‘I had a bad pint at lunchtime’ probably won’t be useable for a few months – but I have others.

“My current favourite is ‘the bloody NHS app has told me to self-isolate, sorry!’. I think that’s good for another three or four excuses.  It does help that the app doesn’t tell you where you were exposed, so I can be vague and convincing at the same time.”

Simons’ friend Dave told us, “Yeah, Simon likes to pretend he’s an introvert, but the reality is he just knows it’s his round.”

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