Thursday 6 May 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Brexit benefits just keep coming as Britain declares war on France


HMS Royal NAvy

Brexit means we’re going to party like it’s 1779.

Following the transformation of Kent into a lorry park and the sky-high cost of importing goods, the latest Brexit-themed treat is war with France.

A Royal Navy vessel is patrolling waters around Jersey amid concerns of a possible blockade by French boats over post-Brexit fishing rights, with phasers set to “gun”.

“You can say what you like about the French, and God knows I’m about to,” commented Admiral Simon Williams, chewing on his cigar and observing the French from the poop deck.

“If those cheese-eating surrender monkeys think they’re going to keep us from catching our own fish, they’ve another thing coming, and that thing is me and several cannons, or whatever weaponry we have on this particular vessel.

“If you think for one second we’re not prepared to cause a major international incident over some fish, then the entire tone of Brexit thus far has clearly passed you by.

“Of COURSE we will. So I hope Frenchy has brought his white flags of surrender with him.”

Meanwhile, from a French Navy vessel, Admiral Simone Le Williamz commented, “Don’t be so silly.

“Zis is se French Navy. Of COURSE we ‘ave ze white flags of zurrender ready to go!

“But it will not come to zat. We are French. Zat means cooler, sexier heads will prevail, and zere will be no need for ze English to fight, and no need for France’s inevitable surrender.

“However, please make zure ma lifeboat iz ready just in case.”

See the full range of NewsThump’s Brexit ‘memorabilia’ HERE!

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