Wednesday 28 April 2021 by Frances Ward

Depraved degenerate caught eating ‘cup-a-soup’ out of a bowl


Man eating cup-a-soup

A deeply depraved individual has been seen eating a ‘cup-a-soup’ out of a bowl with an actual spoon, it has emerged.

Eyewitness, Simone Williams said, “I was sitting nursing my ‘cup a soup’ in a ‘cup a soup’ mug on the sofa when the weird prick, or ‘my husband’ as I suppose he is for the time being, waltzed in with a bowl and spoon like a big nonchalant arsehole.

“Having boiled the kettle, opened two packets of cream of vegetable ‘cup a soups’ – with croutons – and two ‘cup a soup’ cups that I sent off for, I knew that this was nothing of my making or design.

“He then sat at the dining table and dug in, all innocent, like it was a perfectly normal thing to do.  He even wore an apron to prepare them, the total prick.

“I thought I’m not having that. So, I was like ‘is that the cup a soup I just got ya? Is it? Have ya just emptied it into a bowl??

“Yep, he said. Not yes. Yep. Fucking yep!

“Then he says, ‘it’s soup, innit? Soup. But get this. He then goes, “surely the ‘cup a’ is optional? Optional he says. Err, does it say ‘optional cup a soup’ on the packet? No. It does not.”

“Seriously, I couldn’t finish mine. I mean, I never finish it, what with all that congealed shit at the bottom. Absolutely raging, I was.”

Simone’s husband said, “For my tea, I’m going to have a Pot Noodle on a plate.

“Just try and stop me.”

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