Wednesday 31 March 2021 by Chris Ballard

Forty-year-old man hasn’t made bed since leaving home


unmade bed

A fully grown responsible adult hasn’t bothered making his bed since his mum stopped telling him to.

Simon Williams and his wife Karen are hard-working parents of three. They do loads of grown-up things, like cooking, cleaning and getting shit-faced.

However, neither one of them has made their bed for over twenty years.

“I’m not sure why my mother was so keen for me to tidy my bedclothes every single morning,” said a bemused Simon.

“The more I think about it, the weirder it seems.

“Perhaps she thought I was destined for the army or the hotel industry. I can’t think of another single reason why making the bed would be a useful life skill.”

Maybe it was to instil a sense of discipline and routine that would lead to a more productive and ultimately happier life?

“Hmm, possibly…” said Simon, unconvinced.

“But the mornings are always such a rush. We have to make difficult decisions about how to use our time.

“For example, should I make my bed or have a poo? It’s a no-brainer – having a tidy bed and shitty underwear hardly seems like the paradigm of a disciplined and fruitful existence.

“And how would it make the kids happier if I didn’t have time to give them breakfast because I was making the bed?

“Should we force our children to make their beds? But then we’d have to make ours or we’d be hypocrites. So no, I don’t think we’ll bother.

“It’s the same reason we don’t feed them any of those yucky green vegetables.”

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