Texans to stop wearing masks so they can tell which of them are outlaws again

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Texas has lifted their mandate requiring public mask-wearing after realising that everyone wearing one made it impossible to tell who is on their way to rob the 3:40 to El Paso and who isn’t, it has emerged.

The great state of Texas, which has a long and honourable history of hiding the lower half the face amongst the renegade, desperado and gunslinger community, had found law-enforcement ‘almost impossible’ after everyone started covering their mouths to prevent the spread of disease.

Police officers and Texas Rangers have been routinely mistaking ordinary, law-abiding members of the community for wanted criminals and shooting them, which admittedly made little difference from usual.

“It sure is a plum humdinger,” said Texas Governor Billy-Simon Williams.

“Historically, Texans in masks were fixin’ to kill their neighbours, but over the last year that’s changed to them wantin’ to save their lives.

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“Clearly this led to a lot of confusion, such as the time the Jones boys was on their way to rob the Carson City stage and met a group of doctors coming the other way and it all got mixed up.

“That ended up with Rough Ridin’ Ezekiel Jones givin’ a talk on viral microbiology and Doctor Klaus Forrester skippin’ over the border at Laredo with two bags of gold dust and a saloon ma’am from San Antonio.”

In other news, bars in the State are also to re-open so long as they maintain social distancing by sliding drinks to patrons along the counter-top.