Tuesday 9 March 2021 by Davywavy

Texans to stop wearing masks so they can tell which of them are outlaws again


Texas outlaws not wearing masks

Texas has lifted their mandate requiring public mask-wearing after realising that everyone wearing one made it impossible to tell who is on their way to rob the 3:40 to El Paso and who isn’t, it has emerged.

The great state of Texas, which has a long and honourable history of hiding the lower half the face amongst the renegade, desperado and gunslinger community, had found law-enforcement ‘almost impossible’ after everyone started covering their mouths to prevent the spread of disease.

Police officers and Texas Rangers have been routinely mistaking ordinary, law-abiding members of the community for wanted criminals and shooting them, which admittedly made little difference from usual.

“It sure is a plum humdinger,” said Texas Governor Billy-Simon Williams.

“Historically, Texans in masks were fixin’ to kill their neighbours, but over the last year that’s changed to them wantin’ to save their lives.

“Clearly this led to a lot of confusion, such as the time the Jones boys was on their way to rob the Carson City stage and met a group of doctors coming the other way and it all got mixed up.

“That ended up with Rough Ridin’ Ezekiel Jones givin’ a talk on viral microbiology and Doctor Klaus Forrester skippin’ over the border at Laredo with two bags of gold dust and a saloon ma’am from San Antonio.”

In other news, bars in the State are also to re-open so long as they maintain social distancing by sliding drinks to patrons along the counter-top.

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