Tuesday 23 February 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Steve Baker’s CRG demand a ‘more death-y’ roadmap out of lockdown


Steve Baker roadmap out of lockdown

Steve Baker, the leader of the Covid Recovery Group, has hit out at the newly announced roadmap out of lockdown claiming it isn’t nearly fatal enough for the majority of people.

The Covid Recovery Group was founded last Autumn to promote the coronavirus and find more efficient ways to infect people and kill off the more vulnerable members of society. It contains 50-60 leading psychopaths and maniacs from within the Tory party.

“I’d like to see a much more death-y roadmap out of lockdown,” explained Baker, his dead eyes gleaming with malice.

“You know, recommend licking door handles, snogging strangers, replacing vaccines with orange squash, that sort of thing.”

The CRG recommendation for a roadmap out of lockdown is as follows:

  • You lazy, feckless shits can get back to work for a start
  • Throw all vaccines into the sea
  • Keep pretending that Covid is the same as a summer cold
  • Burn all epidemiologists at the stake
  • And etymologists and entomologists, just to be sure
  • Randomly murder people

“I think that with a much less thought-through roadmap, we could see a final huge wave of fatalities across all areas of society,” concluded a visibly tumescent Baker.

“Delightful.”

It is understood that Boris Johnson will give consideration to the CRG plan as, despite his own measured and cautious roadmap out of lockdown seeming to have the support of the public and scientists, he’s always happy to make things worse by listening to lunatic Tory backbenchers.

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