Tuesday 23 February 2021 by Chris Ballard

Knackered couple bitterly regret staying up for sex

Tired Couple stayed up to have sex

A married couple are wearily trying to work out what the hell they were thinking when they chose sex over sleep at ten o’clock last night.

At six o’clock this morning Simon Williams trudged downstairs with his four-year-old son, poured Rice Krispies all over the kitchen table, emptied a bottle of milk into the sink and then put the cereal back in the fridge.

The reason? Well, with reckless abandon and total disregard for the practicalities of their daily existence, Simon and his wife had sex last night when they could have been sleeping.

“Sleep! I’m so sorry!” sobbed a bleary-eyed Simon. “Please forgive me – it will never happen again!

“I’m full of regret, it meant nothing! It was just a moment of madness in which I thought I had some energy.

“But sleep, my darling, it’s you that I love! Your blissful nothingness, your total lack of physical activity. You give my life meaning!

“I’ll make it up to you, I promise – I’ll go to bed at eight this evening! Hell, I’ll go to bed at eight every evening if you want me to!

“Perhaps we should have a new pillow together – a goose down one. It would bond us.

“Without you I’m nothing – just a useless awake person, doing my work badly and forgetting to pick up the kids from nursery.

“Please don’t leave me!”

Simon’s wife Karen is actually feeling quite refreshed.

“Yeah, I gave him the green light and then closed my eyes,” she said. “Slept through the whole thing!”

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