Thursday 31 December 2020 by Mark Molloy

Man forced to amend New Year’s resolution from ‘join the gym’ to ‘stay in and carry on drinking’


new years resolution replaced with staying in drinking

A man has been forced to hastily amend his New Year’s resolution today from ‘join the gym and get fit’ to ‘stay in on your own and carry on drinking’ due to Tier 4 restrictions.

Simon Williams, who insists he was just about to ‘turn his life around in the new year’ and had already posted three ‘New Year New Me’ posts on Facebook earlier on this week, made the decision immediately hearing the news that his local gym would have to close from tomorrow, for a week or two.

Speaking earlier he told us, “Yeah, fuck it, I’ll have to bin off those resolutions, that’s for sure – game over. No point is there?

“I was really going to make next year my year, and get right back in the zone in the gym, after I joined, of course, providing they had an offer on or something.

“And now the government has gone and announced that gyms are closing again, because we have been placed under Tier 4 restrictions.

“Well it looks like I will have to change my resolutions completely, there’s nothing much I can do about it.

“Instead of going to the gym four times a week, and trying to read a bit more, I have no option but amend my main resolutions to ‘staying in seven days a week and drinking on every single one of those days’.”

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