Irredeemable twunts celebrating “UK Independence Day” somehow the perfect end to 2020

author avatar by 3 years ago

Senescent bigots and utter bellends who loudly proclaim they will see New Year’s Day as a day of national liberation have unwittingly found the most apt way to mark the passing of a dreadful year marked by tragedies, disappointment, failure and the acceptance of lethal ineptitude.

Simone Williams, a furloughed sales manager who lost a grandfather to COVID and is facing eviction, agreed that overweight berks waving tiny flaccid Union Jacks while mewling football chants completely encapsulated her feelings towards the past year.

“I had planned to unplug the wifi and go to bed at 9 after downing enough sherry to ensure nothing will wake me up, but then my uncle invited me to join some racist Facebook group that wants to ‘raise a glass to breaking our shackles’ or some such bollocks.

“It was then I realised I had to see 2020 through to the end. And watching several live streams of detestable morons saying that leaving a trading union is the happiest day of their lives, while their wives and children look on, is the final crucible to properly end this complete skidmark of a year.

“And so I will put myself through one final indignity in the hope of exorcising all the wankery that could possibly befall us.

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“I will feel my soul deaden as red-faced tosspots sing the wrong lyrics to God Save the Queen and propose toasts to Farage, Boris or whatever grotesque sex offender they think is King Arthur reborn.

“Yes, it will be horrible but we have to get it over with.”