Friday 4 December 2020 by Neil Tollfree

‘I’ve taught you everything I know,’ Chris Grayling tells protégé Gavin Williamson after 5 minutes


Gavin Williamson and Chris Grayling, apprentice and master

Wise old parliamentary sage Chris Grayling has concluded his training of eager young protégé Gavin Williamson after 5 minutes with the words ‘I’ve taught you everything I know’.

“All my experience, all my knowledge of life in Government are now with you,” said the wise old ex-transport secretary as the young Education Secretary looked up at him in awe.

“Thank you master,” replied Williamson.

“I am grateful for you to take five whole minutes to impart all of your teachings in the ways of Government to me. I will do my best to honour your legacy in all that I do.

“I know now I must outsource things inappropriately, I should adopt a rictus smirk and creepy stare in all interviews, and, most importantly, I must never be afraid to fail because there will never be any consequence if I do.”

Grayling allowed himself a satisfied rictus smirk.

“I hope now that people would look at you and say – ‘there goes Gavin Williamson, he’s the new Chris Grayling’.

Williamson’s face broke into a smile of ecstasy.

“That would be my privilege, master,” he sighed, happily.

“And one day, I will take five minutes to impart all my knowledge and experience to a young MP struggling to make his mark in Government.”

Chris Grayling nodded proudly as Williamson left the meeting with his shoes on the wrong feet and promptly fell over face-first into a muddy puddle in front of the press.

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