Sixteen opposition politicians in Russia are guaranteed never to catch Corobavirus after an experimental vaccine killed them stone dead, according to reports.
The vaccine trial, which has been hailed as a ‘huge success’ by the Kremlin, simultaneously reduced the number of potential virus carriers in the country, whilst protecting the Russian people from being infected by dangerous ideas, such as someone other than Vladimir Putin being in charge.
The lucky recipients of the vaccine were all members of opposition organisations, and took place in a blind trial – meaning they didn’t know they were taking part until it was too late.
“To prevent the placebo effect it was vital the experimental vaccine was administered without their knowledge, in a cup of tea or a hypodermic umbrella,” said Health and security Ministry Simonov Williamsovitch.
“And we’re delighted that it has had a 100% success rate. None of the recipients will ever display Covid symptoms or contest the results in the Duma again.
“We’re looking to roll the vaccine out to other at-risk groups such as rich ex-pats, whistleblowers, and passers-by in English country towns as quickly as possible.”