Dominic Cummings leaves government for lucrative Specsavers deal

Dominic Cummings is to be the new face of Specsavers.

The man who makes the devil wince was seen leaving Downing Street on Friday evening after the government announced he was to leave with immediate effect.

Specsavers immediately pounced on the opportunity.

“If there’s one thing Specsavers is known for, it’s political satire,” beamed head of advertising, Simon Williams.

“We thought Dominic Cummings seemed like the kind of man who would do absolutely anything for the right price, and I’m delighted to find out we were right on the money.

“We’re going to show him ploughing a Lexus into the side of Barnard Castle, before it explodes with him still inside.

“Hmm? Oh, yes, of course we’ll make sure he’s out of the car before it explodes. The doors definitely won’t be locked from the outside and the windows definitely won’t be glued shut. That would be very naughty of us.”

“…VERY naughty,” chuckled Williams.

Advertisement

NewsThumpNotebooks

Somewhere to write down everything that’s wrong with the world. You may need several.

See the full collection →