Spin doctors celebrate getting people to ignore a shocking death toll using nothing more than office gossip

author avatar by 3 years ago

A team of seasoned political operatives have opened new ground in the field of media manipulation by making the UK completely ignore a horrendous amount of COVID-19 deaths and getting idiots to focus instead on petty squabbles of dubious veracity.

Special Advisor Amanda Tinnock explained how her team decided on the bold new strategy to bury bad news.

“I’m really surprised it works. When we saw the confirmation that people in some war zones have a better chance of surviving the pandemic than Brits, we got desperate. We thought of the usual tactics of getting Priti to say something cribbed off Mein Kamp, but that was not going to cut it.

“But then Dom realised that lockdown meant a whole nation was starved of pointless office gossip. So we concocted the kind of dross that we think people who didn’t go to Oxford talk about.

“Binary group rivalries, aggressive scousers and a power play by the boss’ awkwardly young girlfriend. We got Laura to tweet about it and then watched Guardianistas go spare.

“So now everyone is furiously ranting about the resignation of someone they had never heard of before Monday, and they have completely forgotten about an astoundingly mismanaged pandemic that kills their relatives. These fuckwits are even speculating on Dominic now. Not one question about care homes or ventilators.”

The strategy seems to have worked as confirmed Simon Williams, a social media pundit who thinks that if he hates someone then they can’t manipulate him,

“Another humiliating shambles for Creepy Cummings.

“Can you imagine how he feels knowing that Carrie Symonds got rid of that super important Lee Kane fellow? I’ve been spamming Nr 10’s Twitter feed with witty insults all day.

“I’m sure it’s driving them crazy, lol.”