Monday 9 November 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Secret Service agents continue fighting over who gets to drag Donald Trump ‘kicking and screaming’ from the White House


Secret Service to Evict Trump

It is three days since Donald Trump made it known he would have to be dragged kicking and screaming from the White House, and Secret Service agents continue to fight over who gets to do it.

Within minutes of Trump making the statement, literally every active Secret Service agent had volunteered for the assignment of dragging Trump from the White House.

Since then intense arguments over who should get the assignment have continued.

“It’s crazy,” said Agent Simon Williams.

“You got Wilson in there going – ‘I’ll do it, I’ll do it’ – he’s 55 and he’s got a slipped disc. He tries to drag Trump from the White House he’s going to hurt himself. Shouldn’t even be considered.

“You got other guys who worked on the failed coup attempt in Ethiopia last year saying they should do it. No way, guy. You don’t get to fail a coup in Ethiopia and then come back here and get the best assignment in years. No way.

“Me, I’m physically fit, I’ve got a good record. I should be on that team. Man, I swear, if I don’t get that detail, I’m going to refuse to go on next month’s assassination mission in France.”

With no resolution in sight and arguments intensifying, it is thought that Secret Service Director James Murray will institute the traditional Secret Service method of deciding who is assigned to a popular detail – a mass game of musical chairs.

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