Monday 9 November 2020

New Donald Trump lawsuit claims election victory if MAGA tears are counted as votes


MAGA Tears to be counted as votes

Papers sent to courts in Pennsylvania, Arizona, Georgia and Michigan have asked that the floods of salty, salty tears shed by Trump supporters be counted as votes, according to documents seen by NewsThump.

In an affidavit delivered today, the Trump organisation said that the tears, which have been shed in their millions, remain uncounted in the electoral process – which is described as ‘unconstitutional’, although it is unclear which part of the constitution to which it was referring.

Speaking at a hastily convened press conference in the parking lot of Mike’s Lube for Autos and Buttholes just off the I-195, White House spokesman Simon Williams said that MAGA votes and tears had many similarities, but mostly there’s just not enough of either.

“The decent, hard-working, God-fearing, blubber-monkeys of Twitter deserve to have their tears respected and, to ensure absolute fairness in the electoral process, counted as votes,” he told reporters.

“People have put huge amounts of time and effort into crying over their keyboards at 3 am, and what sort of democracy would we be if that were not counted?

“We also ask the court to count likes and shares for memes showing reasons why Trump has ‘really won’ as votes, because they reflect the depth of feeling of true American democrats and patriots.

“And if there still aren’t enough tears to convince you, wait until the majority of Trump supporters leave the state of denial they’re currently living in, where they continue to believe Trump has actually won.  The floods will be biblical!”

Delicious MAGA Tears – get your mug here!

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